I should win an award for best procrastinator; actually, the award should be more specific – The Best Seemingly Legitimate Excuse Maker When It Comes to Writing Award.

Let’s start with the easy ones. I’m tired. I’m hungry. I’m busy. I have to water the plants, go to the grocery store, change the sheets, clean the cat litter, email the planet, Facebook other planets, and tweet about my coffee consumption. And that’s just before lunch.

When I really get going with my internal conversations about this stuff, I craft some doozies of combos. I’m tired from Relay for Life plus that was an immensely emotional experience, so I probably should just take the day off and rest. Throw in no emails from my online dating profile, a little bad news from a friend, and I could convince myself that I need a week off.

Or there’s this one. . . my friend needs me. We need girl time to dye our hair and watch My So-Called Life (seriously, it’s not really possible to turn down Jordan Catalano is it?) . . . I could not possibly do some writing that morning and then go hang out with my friend in the afternoon or say forego my sewing time at night to get my writing done. Nope, this four hour event will encompass my whole day. I will not BE ABLE to write.

Or how about this one . . . my mom died just over six months ago, and I am definitely not over it. I’m still crying at least once on most days, and sometimes just seeing her picture doubles me over in pain. How can I possibly write anything worth reading when I feel this way?

This one’s good, too. I don’t know where this book is going. I don’t even know whether it’s worth writing anymore. I have no idea how to incorporate my research, and I feel like I’m just repeating myself over and over. Why bother? I should just teach classes and tweet all day. At least then, maybe I’d make some money.

Yep, I should definitely get an award. . . and I expect most writers should. We are so good at coming up with reasons to not do what we are made to do. I don’t know why that is – although I think it’s fear, as I said a couple of weeks ago – but it is insidious.

Thank goodness for good friends who say, “Andi, have you written your 1,000 words today?” I’m such a people-pleaser, another tool in my limitless arsenal of procrastination techniques, that I can’t stand to disappoint others. So I’ll write simply because someone asked.

I wonder what day it will be where I will simply sit down and write, no excuses, no prodding needed. Just a screen and these ten little padded tools.

I expect the answer is never, but then, I could make an excuse for why “never” will never come, too.

How about you? What excuses do you to keep you from writing? What gets you back to the page?

Gremlin – from “Five tips to Fight the Writing Procrastination Gremlins” – Definitely worth a read.