Sometimes a child’s soccer match has much to teach us about how we live our life. . . unadulterated humanity in 5 minute halves. Here are the top ten lessons I have drawn from children’s soccer matches.

10. It’s not the spirit of the game that counts because there is no spirit of the game.

9. Coaching is not really about coaching as much as it is about crowd control.

8. Skill is not really required, but a good try will help.

7. Mother wants the safest vehicle for me to ride in before I blow out my ACL on the pitch.

6. Dads are not necessarily required.

5. Cheering things like “Get him” are not really in the non-existent spirit of the game.

4. Ball hogging is not only acceptable but encouraged.

3. Clumps of 5-year-olds prove chaos theory.

2. Sometimes the best thing you can do is pull your shirt over your head and twirl in circles.

1. Really, it’s all about the snack.

For Henry, my favorite soccer player.

Kids' Soccer