With the help of my friend K, we have compiled our list of, well, let’s just call them “moments of less than stellar judgment” by the men from our history of first dates. Here is what will keep us from going out with you again:
1. Your “date” takes place in the room you rent. The problem with this scenario may not involve anything sexual in nature; it’s simply incredibly boring.
2. Take a bite off my plate without asking.
a. Take a bite off my plate without asking using your fork which was just in seafood that I am – as you have just learned – allergic to.
3. Try to kiss me before the date even begins.
4. Suggest that watching people at Wal-mart would be a fun activity.
5. Disclose major personal defects/emotional baggage and say something like “I didn’t want to waste time if you weren’t ready to deal with this stuff.”
6. Suggest a weekend getaway AS the first date, especially if it’s Riverdance across a national border. (Actually, this guarantees we won’t even have a first date.)
7. Mention your ex-girlfriend by name and then look wistfully into the middle distance.
8. Be so boring or quiet that I’m forced to detail the uses of the keys on my keychain to make conversation.
9. Tell a story about your life and then when I respond with a similar story say something like, “That’s nice, but now back to me.”
10. Have your room (see #1) smell like pot as we arrive so that we know you’ve altered your mental state just in time for our date.
Believe it or not, these are all true life experiences. . . K and I are so lucky.
Have anything to add?