Damien is one of those guys you don’t forget. (Okay, at Messiah, no one really forgets anyone; we all run into each and know we recognize each other without having a thing to say). Damien, though, is really unforgettable. He’s one of those folks who has always been just who he is, and therefore, he is awesome. . . as you’ll see. Oh, and it doesn’t hurt that he and I share our birthday with the likes of Demi Moore and Leonardo DiCaprio, those bastions of beauty – like Damien and me.) Enjoy his post; it’s all Damien!

Following in the steps of my good friend Brian Plank, I have accepted Ms. Cumbo’s invitation to submit my prose – such as it is.

Anywho, I could ramble on and on about all my own private vernacular, waxing on about all the Syracuse Coffee Breaks I’ve taken in my life, how annoyed I get when I see drunken cleavage. I could tell you all about my moments of noventaphilia and the slackerifficness that went along with. I could tell you all how sick I am of all the Palinoscopies I am subjected to on an almost daily basis or how I’ve never been one to let the perfect be the enemy of the good, and so on.

I could do that, but that’s not my objective here. Instead, I’m gonna steal the idea from Brian and focus on why I talk like this in the first place.

Most of you reading this wouldn’t know it, but cool and me – not so much. In fact, the only reason I figure most of you wouldn’t know it is because in all likelihood, people reading this don’t know me personally. It’s simple arithmetic and I have never been great at math.

As uncool as I am, I’m equally as loquacious and fascinated with languages. One of the best things about my daily life is all my talk radio pod casts and the columnists of the world, those are my people (or they would be if did a lot more writing on a regular basis). Another great thing is the fact that in addition to having what I consider a better than average grasp of my own language, I’m pretty good in Deutschland as well.

Despite all of that, I still feel the need to mangle the words as I see fit. It’s the reason I’d make a pretty good blogger or even a columnist, but a novelist – not so much. When I put fingers to keyboard, what comes out isn’t really meant for commercial appeal. When I write, it’s pretty me-theistic (another Damien Morris original word) and the target group is pretty much for two camps: those who get the joke and those who will at least make an effort. The way I see it, if the formula works for your average gangsta rapper, it’s good enough for yours truly.

In addition to getting my point across, I figure it’s also a very good way to rail against the semantic and real-life things that I see as deserving of my snark while at the same time looking less like some grammar snob – though as long as I live, hearing people use the words “I” or “myself” improperly in an effort to try and sound more intelligent than they really are will always annoy the heck out of me (split it into two sentences and see which ones make sense, people. It really isn’t that difficult).

So there you have it: my somewhat meager contribution to the world of AndiLit.

(Full disclosure: The “author” attended college with Ms. Cumbo. Yep, that’s right – I’m one of those Messiah kids… )

You can beg Damien to friend you on Facebook here .

Damien Morris – He’s the one in the front with the huge guns!