Over my lifetime, I’ve had some really dumb moments. I mean really dumb ones, so I thought I’d start off this new year with some laughs and honest reflection. Here are the things I should have realized from moment one but did not.
1. I could wait until the water in the shower gets warm before I step into it, thus avoiding that initial cold spurt when the shower is first switched on. For far more years than I’d like to admit, I got in the shower and then cowered against the curtain while the first burst of water pelted the floor. This is one of those opportunities where the voice-over should say, “You idiot, you can reach the shower knob from the outside of the shower, you know.”
2. It is possible for my “little” brother to weigh more at birth than I did when I was born. I was baffled for years by the fact that he weighed in at 9 lbs 9 oz when I was only 9 lbs 5 oz (I know, moans of pity for our mother are appropriate here.) I just didn’t understand how he could be bigger than me when he was my little brother; this fact defied the laws of nature.
3. People are not always nice. I should have realized this in kindergarten when I asked Jennifer Cagle what she was doing when we were on the blacktop at recess and she replied, “None of your beeswax,” but it really took years for this to sink in.
4. Hair products can really help this big pile of hair on my head. I don’t why it took years for me to consider gel, but, well, my school pictures provide evidence of my ignorance – my 9th grade shot looks like I’m a back-up dancer for Ke$sha, and not in a cool way.
5. It is wise to attach bookshelves (especially tall ones) to the wall; a near-death experience with a couple of my own brought this lesson into stark reality. I felt like Tina Fey in that episode of Thirty Rock where she reenacted all the ways one could die when one lives alone.
I am proud to have seized these five moments of insight, as lame as they are. I guess I could have started my year of posts off with the moments of true wisdom I have had, but honestly, these seem more, well, like me.
So what are those “oh, duh” moments in your life?