I am a person who likes quick results. I like to make quick decisions (even when I don’t have all the information) because I would rather deal with the consequences of the decision rather than sit in the existential limbo that comes before the decision is made. I am quite patient with other people, but in my own life, I like to see fast results. I want problems cleared up, relationships healed, bodies repaired. I am not good at waiting or slogging on through the mire of life.
Sometimes my greatest desire is to get out. I imagine myself sitting on an island alone. I have a little cabin, some cats, a dog, a boat with an outboard motor that will take me to land to get food. My books surround me. I have a computer. I am lonely, a bit, but boy is it easier when I can control how my every day is spent. But in my vision, I know that I’m forgetting hurricanes and the flu (a time when I want more than anything for someone else to be around). I am forgetting how wonderful conversation can be, and how watching a movie with a friend can lift my spirits. The phrase “No Man Is An Island” comes to mind.
I long for this place when life seems too hard and when resolution and healing seem to be too long in coming, when the burden of loving people feels like it will crush my chest.
Then, I remember that I only need carry one burden, and it is light. I am promised that I can come to my God when I am weary and burdened, and God will give me rest. So even while I persevere, even when I long for that lonely island, I take one step at a time, one day at a time, and I give myself the rest I need and take the rest of spirit that is gifted to me. Here, the road may be long but it will end. Amen to that.