The other night as I was watching Leverage, it occurred to me that I could have a role in organized crime – I could be “The Fixer,” the person who finds other people to “fix” problems. I really like playing that role in life where I can help match people up with ways to ease their suffering, advance their careers, or find some pleasure. Of course, my enjoyment comes from a slightly different type of “fixing” than might come in a mafia situation, but still . . .
The problem with this mindset is that I spend a lot of time and energy trying to “fix” things for other people, and while I’d like to think this mindset is all about wanting to help, a lot of it comes from my own desires to be appreciated, to be in control, and to be “better” than the person who I’m trying to fix. If I suggested this idea, would it help him and, thus, make my life better? If I connected these people, would they be grateful to me? If I did this or this or this, would it mean that I “fixed” it?
The truth, of course, is that no matter what I do, people will sometimes fail to appreciate me. The truth, of course, is that I am ultimately not in control. The truth, of course, is that I’m not better than anyone at all.
Yet, there is a greater Truth that I can choose to live into. I am always appreciated and loved by a God who always loves me no matter what I do or don’t do. I don’t have to be in control because God’s “got this.” I may not be better than anyone, but I am also not worse than anyone either. There is great freedom in letting God be “the fixer” and seeing where God’s path leads me to help God’s way.
So while the idea of being a mafia staple sounds kind of sexy, I really don’t like leather, plus those RICO statutes might catch up with me. I think I’ll just rest in the “fixing” hands of a God who loves me no matter what I fix or really screw up. God’s so much better than a mafia kingpin.