At this point in life, I feel a bit as if everything is happening beneath the surface. I feel great peace with great action going on below, like a vast lake sitting calm, with Loch Ness breathing under it, graceful and huge.
I say this because I’m feeling my book begin to take more formal shape. I’ve given one piece of it to a friend who just this morning sent me perfect feedback (look for Cate Hennessey’s brilliant essay in an upcoming Gettysburg Review), and it has shifted something in my core, something that tells me that the shape of the book will become very clear soon. I’m mulling over, quietly, ideas about structure for the book and for the pieces while I also consider voice and other elements. I feel no urgency to figure this out – a new feeling for me since I’m the kind of person who likes to make decisions, even bad ones, and simply live with the outcomes; it seems simply like it’s a time of waiting.
I feel the same about my plans for next year. I have told my department chairs I am leaving, and I will make the more formal announcement to my supervisor when the time seems right. But for now, I just sit and watch life unfold. My parents have been helping me look into this little town called Schuyler, VA. So far, it looks very promising with good land prices and gorgeous views and plenty of artisans nearby. It seems this place is more affordable than North Carolina, plus – and I never thought I’d say this – I think I would like living near my parents again. For a long time, I wanted to strike out on my own and do my own thing, which I did. But now, the prospect of being able to see them more often sounds lovely.
In my current home, I keep eeking away at projects, sanding the basement walls and staining the upper deck. Soon I’ll have to hire a carpet layer to do some repairs, and I need to touch up some pain. But all that is coming together soon.
I have to say that I’m really enjoying this sense of calm in the midst of all this change. Today, I was writing on meditation, and I looked up the etymology of the word. Not only does it mean to contemplate or to think about something, but the word also comes from the root for “measure.” That’s where I feel like I am, in a place where I am thinking and measuring out the plans. It’s a good place to be.
Here’s the Wordle I created for today. I love these things because they give me, a woman with limited visual ability, a way to see shapes in my words. Try one out for yourself and post it in the comments section if you’d like. They’re very fun and lovely.