When the Fear Gets Close

Most days I have quelled it, or at least think I have. I have answered it with reason and experience, with words and discipline, and the bright light of “having done what I must do.” Most days, it is quiet for me now.  4268467977

But then the new arrives, the unexpected, the trail I did not intend to take with my words.  And there she is, ragged and enormous, like a giant mouth gaping in the belly of the witch.  The fear.

Today, that void swells as I move through the steps of publishing my book You Will Not Be Forgotten.  As I lose the safety and affirmation of a traditional publisher, the fact-checkers and editors contained therein, and decide to put these words to paper myself, I tremble just a bit in the arches of my feet.

There may be errors. People may call me out. People may shout at me. My words may hurt. My words my fall flat. My words may not be read.

Thinking too long on these things makes the darkness come close to my ears, surge against my nostrils.

So I do not think long on the “mays.” I see them and walk through them, my own fact-checker, my own girding fortress, my own listening mind.

For it is enough – because it is all there is – to put these words into the world, ink on wood.  To share these stories – their stories, oh their stories. And pray that you may know them well. And love them. As I do.

What do you fear today?


In the next couple of months, I will be preparing You Will Not Be Forgotten for publication.  It will be available in print and e-book versions. My beautiful husband is designing the cover; the gorgeous Jennifer Luitwieler will be editing the manuscript. Friends – Shawn Smucker, Eric Wyatt, and others – have graciously given me feedback.  I’m excited and terrified, which means it’s just the right choice.  Stay tuned for details.  And in the meantime, if you’d like to read something more I’ve written, please consider buying a copy of God’s Whisper Manifesto, the book that sets out the principles for life here at our farm.  Thanks for reading this blog. Thanks for supporting me with your time. 

  • http://coffeesnob318.wordpress.com/ Suzanne

    I’m so excited to read your book, Andi!

    I fear still being where I am (work-wise) now ten years from now. I fear not moving.

    • http://www.andilit.com Andi

      Oh my, yes. . . stagnation. One thing I fear too, Suzanne.

  • http://www.ordinaryservant.com Pilar Arsenec

    I struggle with many fears. Wow. I didn’t know Jennifer was an editor. Cool. :) I’m excited for you, Andi. :)

    • http://www.andilit.com Andi

      Thanks, Pilar.

  • http://deuceology.wordpress.com LarryTheDeuce

    I fear having more time as I roll into November. Built in excuses will end as some seasonal events fade away. Will I hear down and finish the writing project I wanted completed two months ago? That being said, I wouldn’t trade the time I have spent with my son during football for having it completed.

    • http://www.andilit.com Andi

      Now that you know the fear, you can move through it, right, Larry. I’ll look forward to hearing about your project’s completion come Thanksgiving. :)

  • Alfredo Marcelo

    The waiting is killing me. Cannot tell you how excited I am about your book. Thanks for giving the world the best of you, your words. Your blog continues to be an inspiration for me. Thanks

    • http://www.andilit.com Andi

      Thanks so much, Alfredo. I’m excited, too . . . and nervous. :)